foodstuffs

An Orgy of Meat

"All we need is lots of gay sex and this would be just like the Roman Empire," remarked one of my many dining companions at The Brasilia Grill in Newark, NJ this past Saturday.

The occassion was Porkchop's 26th birthday, which naturally necessitated an enormous gathering of his childhood friends, immediate family, relatives, and New Jersey-dumb NYC friends, all of whom were more than happy to troop down Ferry Street in Newark to gorge on all-you-can-eat-meat, churrascuria-style.

It was gluttonous, to say the least. Despite fair warning by Porkchop's older sister that we would stuff ourselves before the meat came, we all crowded around the salad bar, scooping up rice and beans, plantains and assorted other offerings.

Then came the meat. It came fast. I can't recall the order that it all arrived, but I do remember the endless skewers of sausages, grilled chicken, skirt steak, turkey wrapped in bacon, pork chop, shish kebab, some other kind of steak, lamb, and the incomparable picanha, an extremely tender piece of steak seasoned with rock salt and served in paper-thin slices. We powered through pitchers of sangria and beer, leaving empty caipirinha glasses in our wake. But the focus was meat. More meat than I have ever eaten in my entire life.

Dessert came, though I don't recall it well. The waitstaff trotted out with drums and tambourines and led the restaurant in one of the many renditions of "Happy Birthday" we would hear that night. We all looked at each other dazedly. So full of meat. (NOTE: it's two days later and I still feel affected by this situation). We stumbled out and made our way to a local bar. I still can't believe I managed to stomach one more beer after all that.

Happy Birthday, Porkchop!

Next on My List

I heard about this great deal for groups at Daily Chow in the East Village. Daily Chow is operated by the same people who run Kelley & Ping, a notable stop for a reasonable dinner before a show at the Angelika. These folks seem to have the pan-asian thing down.

The deal at Daily Chow fits every single one of my criteria for great birthdays functions (or even group functions)

For $10 per person, everyone gets an appetizer and main dish, while the group gets a side of chinese broccoli and a selection of desserts (I guess you don't get to choose these). You don't get to pick off the whole menu, but the choices within the categories are right on par with the things that people usually order off pan-asian menus -- appetizers are edamame, spring rolls, scallion pancakes, to name a few. Main courses are lemongrass chicken, vegetarian pad thai, bulgogi. People should be pretty happy with that. Their pitcher of cocktails ($25) are interesting too -- ginger martinis, asian sangria, etc.

$10, folks! $10!! Oooh, I am just itching to plan another group function.

Choosing a Birthday Restaurant

There have been a lot of birthdays lately, it seems. For some, picking the birthday restaurant consists of picking one's favorite restaurant and expecting your friends to show up and foot what can often turn out to be a daunting bill.

But I like to please everyone. After all -- birthdays are supposed to be fun, not dreaded, occasions. Here are some factors that can contribute to a fun dinner:

- reasonably tasty, interesting food (even if you're a food snob, you have to make some concessions in the interest of keeping all parties happy)
- a central location
- copious amounts of wine/sangria/margaritas (communal drinks)
- not a burger in sight (BOOOOORING)

If you're like me, and live in New York, chances are you have friends that fit into the following categories:
- vegetarian
- on a strict budget
- cheap (there's a difference)
- curmudgeonly
- always order at least one bottle of wine
- those who like to get riotously drunk
- kosher (these people get accommodated less frequently)

More Suggestions

- Entrees should range from $10 - $25 (if there are a few higher, that's OK). This accommodates people who like spend ("Hey it's your birthday -- I'll have the LOBSTER!") and people taking it easy ("I'll have the spring rolls and a bowl of tom yum gai").

- Drinks can be ordered in pitchers (easy to split on the bill)

- Veggie-friendly. Several cuisines satisfy this criteria pretty well, including Thai, Indian, Lebanese/Turkish, and Chinese. Cuisines that do not satisfy this criteria at all include French, Spanish, and Eastern European. Mexican and Italian tend to generally satisfy everyone, but I find that those are so often the "common ground" for other dinners, that they can get tedious.

- Festive (and NOT uptown). Call ahead and ask for a round table if possible. This ensures that everyone can see each other, and that two people who don't know each other don't end up stuck talking to each other on the end.

I went out a limb this year for my 25th by choosing Spanish -- but everything went smoothly. Eleven of us commandeered a table at El Quijote, an old-school restaurant on 23rd Street with tuxedo-ed waiters. We had pitchers of sangria for the table. They also brought out huge platters of greens and potatoes, which we all shared. Everyone was stuffed and drunk. I was also presented with chocolate cake with a sparkler atop it. Highly recommended, and didn't break the bank (as far I heard, anyway).